Just to start off, I would like to share that I am not a doctor, psychologist, or licensed therapist. The issues mentioned below are things that I have been experiencing and I have realized a lot of other people have been experiencing, too. If you feel that you need professional help, I strongly urge you to get it rather than taking advice from a blog with no medical credentials. This is a journey I am taking myself on that I wanted to share with anyone who might want some inspiration or to feel that they are not alone.
With that being said, let’s get to it!
As of right now, this blog has had maybe ten viewers in the past year. After being obsessed with the idea of starting a blog for about a week, I ran out of ideas quickly of what to blog about.
I felt my life was boring. I had nothing to give to viewers who might just stumble upon this site.
If I’m being totally honest (which I plan to do as I further pursue becoming an active blogger), I was in a rough spot. As a few of my previous posts mention, I was newly married and picked up and moved eight hours south of where I was born and raised. I thought this move was going to be where my adult life truly started, and everything was going to fall right into place.
But with high expectations, it’s hard to expect that everything will just end up being perfect.
It was so hard to make friends or even acquaintances. When I finally met two of my neighbors and became close to them, they both ended up moving in the same week. This is totally to be expected with other military members and spouses, but losing the few people I was close to was harder than I thought it would be.
I started to feel very low.
I finally found a job that I love, which luckily allowed me to work from home. It allowed me to continue taking care of our rescue dog, and keep up with a house and make delicious dinners every night for my husband. It was everything I could have wanted at the time. What I didn’t expect, however, is that the four walls of my home office would start to feel like a prison.
The subject matter was getting a little heavy, so here’s a picture of our rescue dog mentioned above 🙂
Leaving the house seemed like more and more of a chore. I stopped doing the little things that I enjoyed doing for myself. I devoted my time only doing things for others and neglecting my own body and mental health. Doing things for others has always been one of the most important things to me, but it’s important to remember that doing things for others shouldn’t mean you always get the short end of the stick.
I have suffered from anxiety since I was a teenager, but it seemed that more and more depressed tendencies were appearing in me. I was self-conscious to the point that I thought every time I left the house people were staring at me and judging me. I hated so many aspects of my personality, my physical appearance, and my inability to fight the negative feelings I was having.
More and more online influencers are coming out about their depression and anxiety, and I applaud them. There is still a stigma to these issues where people who do not suffer from them believe a person can just stop. If you’re one of many who has one or both of these issues, you know that it’s not that easy.
It’s hard. And what’s worse, it’s even harder to find help when you don’t know where to look.
I am so lucky to have my husband by my side. He has been my rock and has stuck by me through all of the issues I’ve been having for the past year. We have most definitely had our arguments, but as a common rule, he has supported me through everything. I can’t thank him enough for it.
But many of us might not have a significant other for support. Many of us might feel totally alone. We might feel like having a significant other might solve all our problems. “If we could just find someone to love us, we might learn to love ourselves.”
I’ve been there, and I’m sad to say it isn’t true.
While my relationship means the world to me, my husband can’t fix me. He can’t change what I dislike about myself. He can’t change the lonely feeling I have when I wish I had a girlfriend to come over and drink wine with. He can’t change my fear of judgement from everyone around me.
But who can change that?
That is where I got the idea for this mini-series. I am never going to be anyone else but me, so why should I waste my time in wishing that I was someone else? Why shouldn’t I improve myself into someone that I not only like, but love?
This section of the blog was supposed to be all about marriage, relationships, and the way we feel about other people. But now I think that another type of love is just as important to reach.
A love with yourself.
My hope for the next period of my life is to tackle all of the issues I have that make me doubt myself such as smoking cigarettes, my weight, and accepting who I am. I don’t know how long this journey will last or if it will ever end, but I’m hoping that my decision to write about will help me stay on track and possibly give someone else the motivation to love themselves more.
So please if you would like to follow this journey with me and get more of faith love and camouflage please subscribe to the email list to get notifications of new posts and please feel free to comment your feelings or stories below 🙂